When you have no words…

(…there are always plenty to borrow.)

I wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
Cause I feel so defeated
And I’m feeling alone
And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I’m a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
And let that be enough

It’s my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago
And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Who am I?
Just a kid who knows he’s needy

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
And let that be enough

On my mind

Could it be that everything goes round by chance? Or only one way that it was always meant to be?

“…the world will go on turning”

I think maybe three people read this. Sometimes I have to ask myself why I write as if I’m writing to an audience. We all do this in some form or another. We all want people to care. Blogging is my way of pretending. I am not aiming to be a downer. I’m just being realistic. (As I go on, writing for “somebody”).

It’s a blind hope. You put forth your voice and show your vulnerability via a public platform open for anybody to find you, just hoping to be found. Hypothetically, everybody who’s anybody could be reading your words. Maybe you don’t actually want to know. Ignorance is bliss. Maybe nobody is reading. But maybe somebody is. Maybe people actually care about what you have to say. Or maybe somebody cares.

And maybe I am going on 24 hours of awakeness mixed with sick.

Every once in a while I tend to temporarily lose my mind

I have been in the weirdest state for the past week or so. Incredibly introspective. This is the side of me that I don’t believe anybody can really fully relate to or understand unless they could jump into my brain and see the mess of thoughts that cycle through. There is no point in trying to describe or make sense of it. At the end of it my only rationale is to conclude that life is strange. Everything changes yet nothing really does at the same time. Things just feel odd to say the least.

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if God is really just a big jokester, throwing us all out here to fend for ourselves. When you rise above yourself for a moment sometimes you realize that humanity just seems like a big joke. What are we even doing here? I can’t help but wonder. Our mere existence is too much for me to comprehend or fathom. Here I am outside of it all – all of our struggles, petty feelings, cycles of failure and feeling sorry for ourselves, hours spent on worry, regret, nostalgia. It just all seems so useless and small.

Eventually I will find my way back on track, I am sure.